A Truly Illuminating Encounter in the Bar Toilet Procession

Shortly before the holidays, I experienced an extraordinary episode. I think it did me good. This took place at a meeting of a group of longtime companions, who are, as it happens dental professionals, but that’s not pertinent. The attending party were solely men, which is key.

A Novel Situation

The location was a bar and eatery doing a brisk business. A lost session was had by all. Good fare, good beverages and surprisingly entertaining stories about dentistry. Naturally, the time came for trips to the men's room. Those who ventured off, I partially registered, looked to be away a significant period. I didn't ponder the reason this could be, but when it was my go, the mystery was solved.

Upon turning the bend, and what did I discover but a lengthy line for the gents' lavatory. Not a single person waiting for the women’s toilet, but a considerable queue for the men's. What bizarre turn was this? This was an unfamiliar scene any of us in this line recognised.

A Sample of the Norm

Let me state unequivocally, I do not seek or anticipate sympathy from any woman here. I am fully cognizant that, for females, needing to line up to use a convenience is standard practice. Repeatedly have I witnessed women waiting in a queue while men in the identical venue have to do nothing of the sort?

In addition to the hassle of having to queue to use a facility, there’s a tinge of indignity about standing there, awaiting something that men usually don’t have to experience. It was profoundly sobering to experience a dose of it myself, watching the opposite gender glide through the entrance while I was compelled to line up dutifully with others with my mates, fiddling at whatever we had in our jackets and checking our handsets.

The Genre of Lavatory Queue Banter

There’s a entire form of small talk here – lavatory line banter – of which men have scant experience. Females, I presume, have become adept to be quite proficient at it, engaging in polite remarks and an notable observation or two.

About this topic I’ve polled some lady acquaintances of my acquaintance. The consensus is that within-the-line interaction is limited to the rare exasperated look and the utterance: “Screw this, I’m going to use the gents'.” A associate told me it’s merely at the sinks subsequently that discussion tends to break out.

Were I a woman, I’d not spend a moment on both pleasantries or quiet. If I was compelled, repeatedly, to stand in a public line simply for the opportunity to use the toilet, I’d express my fury like there was no tomorrow at the sheer inequity of it. A valuable metric for any modern society would be balanced access in toilet queue durations. I’m researching studies on this.

Brotherly Chat in the Line

Back in my queue, I endeavoured to initiate some friendly chat flowing about this new circumstance of ours. I clicked my tongue a bit, gave a weary look and uttered something along the lines of: “Well, this is an disagreeable variation, isn't it chaps?”

One person grinned, another looked blank, a third individual looked sheepish. Yet another gave a dismissive wave as if this was one more manifestation of broken Britain, woke madness etc. For the most part, stillness ensued. An individual came out, fastening his trousers. The queue moved forward a position. A couple more men took a place at the rear of it. I sighed.

A Knowing Exchange

A female glided out of the next-door toilet, all fragrant and relaxed. It was all right for some. I beamed sheepishly at her, trying to communicate recognition of this reversed scenario. She remarked: “Don't come to me for sympathy, you jerk. Reappear when you’ve experienced this another hundred times and at that point I could give you the courtesy.”

In reality, she didn’t say that. She uttered anything. But I am convinced that’s what she was thinking. And I really would not fault her.